'You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?'

"Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows."


Well, we're here. Woke up at 3 AM, drove to St. Louis, left at 9. The first flight was hell. It actually made me cry. I know, I'm a wimp, but when you're thousands and thousands of feet in the air and your biggest fears are heights and free falling, and its so windy that the plane is shaking and the landing is awful, well, I think I deserved to be a wimp.

Second flight wasn't near as bad, and it was on a bigger, more comfortable plane. I'm still not looking forward to flying home, but I don't have to worry about that until Sunday morning. Only <96>

We arrived in Arizona around 1 Arizona time, that is 2 Illinois time. We drove through parts of Phoenix, which looked kinda cool, but we couldn't really find anywhere to eat after that. We ended up at a diner called Black Bear Diner or something, and it had amazing cheeseburgers. Mmmm. =] The weather was an incredibly pleasant 70-75, no humidity at all. It was awesome. Everything is dead here, though, and it kinda bothers me that there is no grass.

We left the diner around 3:30, and showed up at the hotel around...5? Maybe. We're up in the mountains where there are elk and deer and there is snow and it is very very chilly. 7,000 feet in Flagstaff is a lot different than sea level at Phoenix. [I don't actually know if Phoenix is at sea level, but you know what I mean.]

I'm sitting in the very nice hotel now with my family watching Scrubs and waiting for Dick Clark to turn on. This is honestly the saddest New Years I have ever had. I'm 1000 miles away from my loving boyfriend, and both of my sick puppies. Lady is puking because of her pain medicine, and that really worries me. Hank has a mild case of kennel cough, and he is miserable. I wish I could be there with Adam to keep Hank comfortable.

I just wish I was home to spend my favorite holiday with my favorite person. Not that I don't love my family, by any means...but I just feel like something is missing this time.


Have a safe and happy New Year, everyone!
XOXO
Meg

Sooo much.

I haven't posted in a very long time, and I apologize for that. This past week has been crazy. Christmas came and went, and I spent the whole time with Adam. He finally met my parents, and they seemed to like him, which is good! We spent an entire 3 days together just going to family Christmas parties. Our families are both so much fun, but I'm glad the holidays are finally over. As a present to ourselves, Adam and I got another puppy. =] His name is Hank and he's a 4 month old, 30 pound Great Dane/Lab mix.












He's the perfect addition to our little family, and we love him. Azzy is learning to get along with him just fine, but she's still the queen bee!!


Amanda just left a few days ago, she and her family came to spend the weekend with us. I haven't had Amanda time in a while, and it was awesome. Her boyfriend, Jason, came with her, and that was pretty cool. They seem to like each other a lot. It was definitely good to catch up with her, even if we didn't get to spend a long time alone. We did go shopping in Decatur, (woo...!) so that was girl time in itself.

Saturday afternoon was a little bit exciting. Illinois weather is very weird, and it was a crisp 50 something degrees outside, after being freezing for a while. This odd warm front brought rain and tornadoes. In winter. The end of December. A tree snapped in half right outside of our house, and we have a hole in the siding above our garage. Thankfully, nobody was hurt, and there wasn't un-fixable damage. The melted snow is causing some problems with the sewer system, which is very unfortunate because we have a lot of laundry to do before we leave tomorrow.


I am being forced to go to Arizona with my family. Over New Years. 1,602 miles from my boyfriend. Over New Years. With my family. In Arizona. Needless to say, I am not looking forward to this at all. I wouldn't mind, really, except I thought I had a choice. Dad asked me if I wanted to go, I said I'd think about it. The next day, I don't have a choice. I even have to get on a plane. If anyone knows me well enough, they know that heights and a fear of free falling make me sick. Airplanes don't fare well with me. And we are only allowed to take one huge suitcase between the 5 of us. One. For my whole family. Basically, this is a big disaster of a "family vacation", and I'm counting down the hours until I am home and with Adam again. (120, give or take 12 hours. I'm not sure when we are leaving to come home.)


Mom and I took Lady to the vet yesterday because she hasn't been eating for about a week. I was really worried that they would find something life threatening like kidney failure or thyroid problems, but they called this morning and all of her blood and urine tests came out fine. We have started thinking it is her teeth that are bothering her, because she is quite old and her teeth are beginning to weaken and rot. They gave her some pain medicine that seems to be working, and she has been snacking on eggs for a few days. We are going to pick up some canned dog food for her so maybe she can start eating again.


I am stoked for school to start again, which is weird for me. But basically, I am going to only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I'll be at Adam's Thursday night-Monday evening on most weekends. I'm very excited to start new and fresh this next semester. I don't think it will be near as hard as my first semester. I can only try my absolute hardest, though, and see what comes of it!


I hope everyone had a great holiday, and I'll resume posting per usual. =]
XOXO
Meg

Remember yesterday...

when I said I liked being home?
Yeah, I lied.

The Benld Adopt-a-Pet was supposed to call me an hour ago so I could go pick up the puppy. I haven't seen Adam in a while, and I'm sick of sitting around in this damn house.

I'm so ready to go back to school so I can see him whenever I want. I hate staying home with nothing to do but clean, which is really all that is expected of me.


Today is not a good day.

My tummy is grumbly, but I just ate!

I love being home. It is so relaxing. I really have nothing to do today. I ran errands for my mom this morning, and now I'm home sitting with a blanket and my laptop and some orange juice watching What I Like About You re-runs. Haha. Ohhh, the Christmas season.

I went to Target and Walmart today for my mother. Let me just tell you, I'm glad it was me and not her. If it had been her, it would have been the most stressful thing ever, because she's always on the go. I had absolutely nothing to do today, so it actually didn't bother me that it took a long long time, and that most of it was just waiting in line. Target wasn't so bad, but I did run into someone who I haven't seen in a long time. It is always a problem when you see that one person you haven't seen in forever, but they're with their girlfriend so you can't go say hi because she hates you because you and her boyfriend used to have a thing.

Yeah.

It was one of those things.

The weather is supposed to be bad today, but it isn't even cold out or snowy or anything. I'm hoping that the roads stay clear, because if they do then I'm headed to Benld tomorrow to pick up me and Adam's puppy!! =] The adopt-a-pet still needs to call me, so keep your fingers crossed that we get approved! I'll be sure to post about him ASAP, if that happens.

XOXO
Meg

absent

I have nothing to write about.

I'm sorry.

xoxo

Things I hate part II.

Gaining weight.


Everyone does it, it is expected of 19 year old college girls. The only problem I have is that I can only fit into 2 pairs of jeans right now, and one of those pairs doesn't go with everything.
It doesn't bother me at all that I've gained weight. I'm by no means overweight, I'm probably pretty normal, but its the clothing that bothers me. I've learned to embrace my slight curves, and that is a huge step for me. Now if only all of my other clothes would grow with me instead of shrink every time I wash them.

XOXO
Meg

Half empty, half full, half failure.

My stomach has been rolling for the past week because everything is coming to an end. The semester is almost over, and I have a good feeling that I'm going to be retaking this semester. I had such great plans for January, and now they're all falling apart because I have to change my schedule around because there is a good chance I'll be on academic probation.

College was probably the worst idea I've ever had. I've never been so disheartened and disappointed in myself. I thought English 101 was going to be cake, but my papers proved otherwise. I don't know if it was my writing or my TA or a little of both, but my grade is definitely not what I was expecting.

I'm scared to go home because I'm afraid of what my parents are going to think. This semester has been a waste of their money. There will probably be yelling. And accusations. I'm afraid they're going to think this is Adam's fault, when in reality, he's probably the only reason I haven't dropped out yet.


All in all, my life is pretty awful right now, aside from my boyfriend, and I really just wanna start over.



College was a bad idea.

Things I hate.

If you are an English major and every decide to take a chemistry lab, save yourself. Run.

Seriously.


Everything > chemistry.




I'm off to my 3 hour lab now.
I'd honestly rather be doing ANYTHING else.
Like falling of a cliff or something.


Jokes, jokes.
=]

To sleep, perchance...

Sleeping has not been a very promising ordeal lately, and when I do finally get tired, I never sleep well. I had the most ridiculous dream last night.

Most of you do not know that when I was a freshman in high school our small town lost two very, very special young men. I happened to be pretty close to one of them. Their names were Steve Hobson and Nathan Donaldson, and they were killed 4 years ago yesterday in a car accident. This anniversary is always pretty tough on everyone, and it was one of the few times that I actually wished I was home.

In my dream, we were getting ready to hold Nathan's and Steve's funerals in some sort of park I have never seen before. It is always weird to cry in a dream because the emotion is so real. There were a countless number of people in attendance, it was quite over whelming. The wails from everyone in the crowd crying made my skin crawl, no joke. I felt like I was searching for something, but I'm not entirely sure that I actually was. After walking around a while I came upon a group of people sitting on a balcony, only the balcony was very close to the ground, almost hovering. People were sitting like they were in a lecture or a classroom listening to one of my sister's bridesmaids, Kristan, talk. This is when everything started getting really weird. She would take groups of people and assign them an emotion. When my group was taken away in and told what our emotion was, we all took off sprinting. Just running around aimlessly as fast as we could. The weirdest part is that our legs weren't moving. It was almost like we were flying. It felt so good. I do not know what our emotion was supposed to be, but I know that that was the calmest I have ever been. I just let go and ran and ran and ran. The wind felt amazing and I was so carefree. Eventually, I had to stop because I saw the point in the sky where Day turned to Night. I wish I were artistically inclined so I could paint a picture for you guys. It was the single most beautiful thing I have ever dreamed.

I stood there staring at that point in the sky for a while before I finally woke up. I'm not sure if there was a point to that dream, but every time I think about it I get goosebumps.

It gave me a sense of peace to know that I saw the most beautiful sight at the funeral of my friends. After four years of wondering, that dream put all of my frightful thoughts about Steve and Nathan to rest.

The mind is a very powerful thing.

XOXO
Meg

Absentee

Sorry I haven't been posting.

I had Thanksgiving.
I had the flu.
I have finals.
I have papers.



Panic.

I am thankful.

This Thanksgiving has been rough for me, in a way. I have realized, however, that I am very, very thankful for what I have.

I am thankful to have a family who loves me, and who has instilled their values in me. It is their fault that I have a level, but mostly crazy, head on my shoulders. I am thankful that we can be there for each other without hesitation, and that we can still get upset when we all can't get together for the holidays. It really made me happy that my entire family was trying to find a time for Mike and Michelle, Great Grandma and Wayne, and Brian, Delyn, and the Baby, and Ryan's boys to all get together for Christmas. It makes me feel so good that my family can be so huge and we still can't have holidays without each other.

I am thankful for my incredible boyfriend. The fact that he is there for me through all of my mood swings and my craziness really means a lot. I have mini breakdowns on a pretty frequent basis, and he just talks me through them like it is the most effortless thing ever. Tonight, I was freaking out about school, and by the end of the conversation I was realizing how silly I was being, and everything seemed to be okay again. I thank God every single day that we somehow found each other. We're like the perfect fitting puzzle pieces.

I am thankful that all of my friends and family, including myself, are happy and healthy for the most part. Everyone has their good years and their bad years, and this one seemed to be on the bad side, but there is always a pro to the con. Grandpa T's death is taking a toll on everyone, especially Grandma T, since this is her first holiday without him. On the bright side, though, we have a new life to share this celebration with in the form of Bryson Cade Duggins. He might very well be the most precious baby I have ever laid eyes on.

Babies are everywhere recently. My maternal instincts are starting to kick in as much as they can in a 19 year old girl. With all of this thinking about babies and careers and life and whatnot, I have to add that I am thankful for the opportunity the Lord gave me to live this one. I am normally not a religious person at all, but today calls for His recognition.


I hope everyone had a fun, safe, and happy Thanksgiving!
God Bless
XOXO
Meg

everyone has a hero

I liked being home....

Until my dad got home. I knew it was inevitable, but I still dreaded it when I had to bring up Adam. The fact that he's my ex-boyfriend's roommate helps nothing, as does the fact that he is 25. My father, of course, couldn't let that go, though. His response?

"Since when did you start running around with old men?"


Of course he had a very amused look on his face. Why can't he just be glad that I'm happy and not dating some abusive schmuck? This really bothers me. So what do you guys think? I'm in a ridiculously happy, healthy relationship. Should my dad really be that mean about this?


I hate Sundays. =[

We wish you a merry sickness....

I was texting my momma and telling her about how I will probably be sick over the holidays again this year since I have a bad cold, and I had mini-flashbacks.

I remember one year, I was probably 9 or 10, and I had the flu on Christmas Eve. My entire family used to go stay at my grandparent's and go to the midnight service at church together, but I was forced to stay home and pass out in front of the TV while one of my grandparents (Grandma? Grandpa? Both?) stayed home with me. I remember waking up when everyone got home and hearing about how my dad was a wise man in a skit they did, and how it was so hilarious. At the time, I was too sick to comprehend anything, but the more I thought about it the more upset I was. I wanted to witness this fun moment that my family seemed to be bonding over. I hated the flu more in that moment than I ever have.

Another year not too long ago I had broken out in hives due to some kind of scented soap. I was on Benadryl all break. It was terrible and I slept for 18 hours of Christmas Day. I honestly don't remember what I missed since I was unconscious so often.

I have been chugging orange juice since I woke up this morning. I felt awful and I automatically thought of how Thanksgiving is not far away, and I will be going home for break very soon. This Thanksgiving is very important to me since I am not always home anymore, so I had better not be sick enough to miss anything.

Bring on the Tylenol!!
XOXO
Meg

Amanda.

I was texting Amanda today, gushing about Adam. She said something that really made me love her.

"I think you've found true love and should run like hell with it and never let go."

I'm gonna have to start running eventually. I just gotta get into shape first, which is no doubt the hardest part.
Goodnight.
XOXO

HAHAHAHA. Like I said, I love Nichole.

Lean on me.

In speech 103 we have been discussing interpersonal relationships such as family, friends, romantic relationships, etc etc. It really made me think about my personal relationships and what they mean to me. I just read a post in another blog about friends, and it really made me want to write about how much everyone means to me.

Momma: My mom is the one person I could absolutely never leave or live without. She is my very best friend and I look up to her so, so much. I never really understood how people could have bad relationships with their mothers. I've realized it is because I am blessed with one of the best moms in the history of the world. Honestly. She is the most amazing person, and she does not even try. My love for her is something that I cannot put into words. My heart swells when I think of her, and I cannot wait to go home and see her again.

Daddy: My dad is probably the coolest man I know. He has taught me so many life lessons and I am so grateful to have such guidance in my life. He and Momma always talk about how they do not feel like they prepared us for the real world, but I do not think they could have done a better job. You only learn as much as you want to learn, and they tried to teach us. The rest is for us to figure out and they are doing a wonderful job of being supportive. Dad is such a hard worker and I can tell that he really cares about his career, us [his family], and himself. He constantly makes me laugh, and I do not know where I would be without him.

Michelle: My older sister is ridiculous. In a good way, mind you! She is goofy and fun and smart, and she always keeps my butt in line. If it were not for her, I would be in a lot of trouble all the time! Being sisters, we have our moments, but I would give anything for her. I am definitely psyched about the wedding, and I know her and Mikey are perfect for each other. It makes me so happy that she has such a sweet love story and wants me to be part of it.

Seth: Guh, where to start. My baby brother is a HUGE part of my world. I hate being away from my family, but sometimes I miss Seth the most. [Sorry guys. I love you all a LOT!!] Being a teenager is tough, I have been through all of that, and I try my absolute hardest to keep him in line. We do get annoyed with each other sometime, but I know when there is a problem and I usually know how to fix it. I remember one time my senior year of high school and he texted me to tell me something that was bothering him. You know, freshman drama between girls and guys. When he told me what was up, I freaked. The girl causing the problems was actually in my P.E. class with me at the time, and I wanted to set her straight then and there. Instead, I just told her to knock it off, but if I could have I would have hurt her for hurting my brother. Its just a protective thing, but I love him. It breaks my heart that he's growing up, but at the same time I'm glad to be there with him.

Amanda: She might as well be my other sister. We are cousins, but we are so much closer than that. She is my very very very best friend, and we go through everything together. She constantly makes me smile and laugh, and when she is sad, it makes me sad. We can always count on each other to help with life's random problems. I am crazy happy that she has found Jason because I can tell that he really makes her happy. She is a smart, gorgeous, wonderful girl who has dreams and ambitions. We are kind of the same person, I guess. ;]

Cortney: Oh man. Me and this girl have been through everything together. She is definitely one of my best friends, and I don't think anything can break that. When we're together everything is so care free, and we read each other's moods and finish each other's sentences. I cannot tell you how many times we have just sat looking at bumper stickers and youtube videos and laughing so hard we cry. College has definitely made us closer.

Adam: Ooooh, this boy. Meeting him was a total accident, but it is one of the best accidents that has ever happened to me. He makes me smile when I don't want to and makes me laugh when I think that I can't. I always tell him about how I feel like a goofball for walking around campus and smiling at nothing but thoughts of him. People must think I'm crazy. I have never felt anything so significant than the feelings I have for him. It always feels like a lot of obstacles are in our way, and that eventually our relationship will stop getting better. Every time I think it is reaching a plateau, it starts all over again. The thumping in my chest, the smile on my face. Even right now as I'm typing this my brain is going nuts. For speech today everyone had to write a letter to their "significant other". I thought it was going to be hard, but once I sat down at my laptop all of the feelings I have got put into words. My letter turned out longer than it should have been. =/ (Story of my life.) I definitely could not have asked for anyone better than Adam. Besides, how many guys willingly take their girlfriends to Twilight and read the book? Yeah, not many. =] XOXO

Nathan: Geez. I have been through thick and through thin with this kid. We have our moments and our phases and our fights and our feelings, but that never ends up getting in the way like we thought it would. I didn't realize how much I'd miss him at school until he moved 6 hours away from me. I just can't wait till Thanksgiving Break to see this kid!

Chole: Nichole Binder. Holy cow. We have grown apart since we both went our seperate ways, but I often still consider her my best friend. We've got a really cool relationship, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Even though we don't talk often, I am still always there for her, and her for me. She is one person I can never give up on.


Everyone has some sort of significance in my life. If I did not write about you, please do not take offense. You are part of my life. You are significant.

XOXO,
Meg

Passion -- AWOL.

"Knowing is better than wondering, waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure beats the hell out of never trying."
--Grey's Anatomy


Momma sent me a card with this on the front. I framed it and looked at it every day. I used to live by it. It no longer seems true or relevant to me.

My dream was to become a veterinarian. I can't pass chemistry to save my life, so my dreams were already broken in the first two weeks of the 'rest of my life'. I have no idea what I want to do with myself now. In my case, I wish I never would have tried. I know wishing is not good for much, but chemistry was too big of a waste. I could have listened to what everyone told me and just started out in Journalism. I have always been a firm believer that if you want something bad enough, you can get it no matter what. This is either false, or I did not want to be a veterinarian bad enough.

At this point, I just feel like I'm settling. I'm settling for something I know I'm good at, something that will give me the resources to have a successful career. I have lost my passion, and I'm not sure where to find it now.

I hope this is only a phase, because right now this is devastating.

Tiny Ghosts

"He named his daughter 'Hurricane'. He felt that if you could name a storm after a woman, why could you not name a woman after a storm?"

--I cannot take credit for this, but I don't know who to give it to.


I am very much in love with this quote. I hope that little girl lives up to her name.